Mom Guilt.
What's "Mom Guilt" you ask? Well... let me give you a few examples...
Stay-at-home vs. Working out of the house
This type of Mom Guilt works both ways.
If you stay at home, you feel guilty if you're not doing everything "right" and by "right" I mean teaching your children their "ABC's" and "1, 2, 3's" and playing with them at all times and making sure they get the social interaction they need (other than you) and keeping a clean house, cooking homemade meals, working out, attending that bible study/book club/Bunco group, etc. etc. And when you fall short in one (or all) of these areas... MOM GUILT. And don't even get me started on the guilt that comes along with not contributing to the family income. Guilt, guilt, guilt.
Or... perhaps you work out of the home. Then you feel guilty for not spending enough time with your child during the week, and then when the weekend arrives and you do get 24-hour time with them your so exhausted you're just wishing they would go take another nap so you can get one stinking second to yourself all week. Then you feel guilty for thinking that way. MOM GUILT.
The Playground
You take your kids to the park to PLAY. But they're glued to your side. So you feel bad and walk around with them and play tag with them and stand beside them every second because that's what all the other mom's are doing. MOM GUILT!
Did you know that in Europe (France in particular) moms take their kids to the park and let the kids play while the adults sit on the benches and socialize with their own friends?! What a concept! Allowing the children to interact on their own with other children. Or play in the mulch by themselves?
Not in the U.S. It's much more likely to see a tired mom chasing their toddler around the playground trying desperately to finish a sentence to their friend who is now standing all the way across the playground because we haven't taught our children to "go play!"
How Many Kids?
For me, this question comes along with a lot of emotional baggage. Since it took us almost 6 years to conceive our second child, I was asked, "Are you planning to have more kids?" for YEARS. And of course I heaved a mountain of guilt on myself worrying about Payton potentially being an only child. Why? MOM GUILT! The minute you start having kids, people ask, "So, how many kids do you want?" Is one child not enough? Of course not! I know many, many happy, well-adjusted adults who were only children. But if you have more than one, is there enough love/patience/attention to spread to both? And what about 3 or more kids? Then the Mom Guilt is really piled on, constantly worrying that you're leaving someone out all the time.
And then there's the reverse guilt of this topic. We look at moms who have 6 kids and seem to run their lives so smoothly and we think, "How can she make it look so easy with 6 kids and I can barely manage my two!" MOM GUILT!
Your Marriage
You spend your day trying to meet every need of those around you, and then once the kids are in bed, the dishes are done and you're ready to just. sit. down... you really should make time for your husband who has probably been somewhat neglected from the moment you found out you were pregnant with your first child.
Don't tell him you're "tired" or "have a headache." Those are lame excuses. But if you really told him that you are exhausted just from being a mom, that just makes it sound like you don't like your kids. MOM GUILT!
Your Life
Run out on a Saturday and leave your hubby with the kids just to get a pedicure? NO WAY!
Shut the door and lock it when you go to the bathroom? FORGET IT. Someone will inevitably be crying on the other side begging you to open it.
Skip out on that exercise class today because you just don't feel like it? NOPE.
Tell your kids to leave you alone for 5 minutes while you sit quietly on the couch and just collect your thought? SINFUL!
MOM GUILT, MOM GUILT, MOM GUILT.
Why do we do it ladies?
Why do we torture our minds and our hearts with all of this guilt?
It's OKAY to let some things slide.
It's OKAY to feel exhausted sometimes and just want to take a break from your life.
It's OKAY to get irritated with your kids. Because even though you LOVE them with every ounce of your being, sometimes they're just plain irritating.
I know this will really strike a bad chord with some people, and I'm okay with that.
I also know that there are a lot of women who read this blog who need to know that all of the guilt we put on ourselves is not okay.
If you've had a really sucky day and work was awful and traffic was terrible and the kids had bad attitudes and your house is a wreck and it's 4 p.m. and you feel like you're going to pull your hair out...
...Step outside. Find a quiet spot to sit. Pour a glass of your favorite beverage (hot tea, coffee, wine, soda, whatever) and remind yourself that you are a strong, beautiful, amazing person who is raising children. Even Oprah says that being a parent is the hardest job on earth! Give yourself some credit people! Being a mom is HARD!
We're all going to make mistakes.
We're all going to fail miserably and then have to say "I'm sorry."
But we can also take pride in our accomplishments.
Your son didn't fart at the dinner table last night? Progress!
Your daughter got dressed this morning after only her 3rd outfit attempt? Congratulations!
You had an intimate "talk" with your husband last night even though you were tired? YOU GO GIRL!
Here's to the moms! Cheers!
No comments:
Post a Comment