Finding A New Normal

Since my last post I have done a lot of...

• Crying
• Blowing my nose
• Removing eye makeup from all over my face
• Praying
• Reminiscing
• Writing
• Thinking quiet thoughts
• Hugging my babies
• Preparing for my husband's return to the U.S.
• Crying all over again, but happy tears this time...

Brian, and the 9 other people from the Church at the Bay Haiti Mission Team, arrived home late yesterday afternoon. We were a huge group of spouses & children (9 boys to be exact) running around with glittered signs and balloons, high on anticipation of seeing our beloved family members again.

I don't know if I've ever kissed Brian for so long in public before. It was a homecoming that had so much meaning - both wonderful and sad - on both of our parts. Brian now has to re-adjust to being back in the U.S. - in a country that is filled with "stuff" and temptation and coveting. He has the responsibility of sharing his story of what happened in Haiti and encouraging others to experience it with him next time. He has a lot to digest... and right now, I believe a piece of his heart is still in Haiti.

I had to share the sad news with him about my cousin last night. Of course he had no idea, so it was kind of like re-living the whole ordeal over again. He was wonderful and embraced me in a long hug. I needed that so badly. 


Now we're both finding a new "normal." 

For me, it's one without my cousin. I find myself wanting to email her and then knowing that I can't. Today I saw a blanket in Parker's closet that she made for him, and I got all teary-eyed knowing that she'll never meet him. So many things that make me sad about her death. But I know she wouldn't want me to be sad. I know she would want me to do everything in my power to make sure that her little girls know the fabulous, devoted mom that she was. And to be there for her mother, who loves and misses her so dearly.


For Brian, I can't say what his new normal is going to be like. I know he is anxious to go back to Haiti and see his little pal Pierre. I know that he is really emotionally fragile right now (he's probably cringing that I wrote that, but it's true, and there's no reason to be ashamed about it). As things progress I'll be sure to update you all. I just know that he had some of the most amazing, impacting moments of his life while he was there. And I know God is smiling down on him.