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"I just think both of our kids are at difficult ages right now, wouldn't you agree?" said my husband recently.
"Yes. I do agree, indeed."
We've been having a lot of these discussions lately in our house.
Our kids have pretty much always been "easy" kids in the grand scheme of things.
We are extremely blessed that they fall in the "healthy" classification of medical standards for the most part. Yes, we deal with some serious eczema sometimes and most recently some tricky ear infections, but nothing some common medications can't treat.
They are also very bright kids. And most importantly, they are Christ-following, loving boys, that have sweet, tender hearts.
But recently... we've had our hands full.
Temper tantrums from our 4-year old that could rival the most epic of meltdowns. We now call him our "Strong-Willed Child."
And laziness and ungratefulness from our 10-year old that make me want to pull my hair out by the handful. The pre-teen years are upon us and the attitude needs to be taken care of now before the real-deal teenage years hit.
I love my children with every ounce of my being. But when they are being disrespectful, disagreeable, dishonest, or any of the other negative "dis" words you can think of... I am not the best mom I can be. I snap at them, I raise my voice at them, I throw out empty threats like, "If you don't come brush your teeth right now, you won't have any sweets for a WEEK!" It's just not pretty.
But what we recently discovered is that not only is their behavior impacting the way our family is functioning, it's impacting our marriage.
Brian and I got into a heated discussion about the kids and their poor behavior and how "this irritates me" and "he keeps doing this" and "why does he feel he's entitled to so-and-so" and it didn't end on a happy note. We didn't get anything resolved and we both ended up mad.
So, what's the solution (in addition to a LOT of prayer)?
Well, we're starting small and making some changes that I believe will make a difference in our household. If nothing else, they are changes that will make me a happier mom, and make our kids more appreciative and grateful... which I think will in turn, change their behaviors.
And just in case you may be dealing with a little of this in your own household, I wanted to share our experiences with you in hopes of helping out other families along the way.
First up...a morning "Checklist."
Last year, Brian read a book titled "The Checklist Manifesto: How To Get Things Right" by Atul Gawande. Ever since then he has implemented numerous - highly effective - checklists in his business. It has made a huge difference in the efficiency and accuracy of how things run in his office.
So, he suggested that we implement the same strategy in our home.
Often times in the morning, we would start the day off on a bad note when Payton would finish breakfast and then lounge around, play with Parker, or sneak off to play on electronics (even though he's not supposed to before school) only to discover 2 minutes before heading out the door that his reading log wasn't filled in, or his bed wasn't made, or he had dirty clothes on his floor, etc., etc. which would send us all into a tailspin.
Not the way I'd like to start our day.
So now, he has a "Morning Checklist" laminated and stuck to his bedroom wall for him to make sure he completes every single item on the list before he can do anything else. And let me tell you, it's made such a difference!
I can simply say, "Have you completed everything on your list? Go check."
And that's it.
Not a million reminders. Followed by nagging. Followed my raised voices. Followed by attitude and eye-rolling (my least favorite, by the way).
Now, I realize that every household is different, and what works for us, may not work for you. Your child's morning checklist might look very different from mine.
However, if your first reaction is to say, "My child would never clean up their room every morning!" maybe that's because you've never set that expectation for him/her. All of our kids are capable of doing these things. We just have to set those expectations and encourage them that they can do it.
Trust me, putting some of the work back on them (especially when they're 10 years old) is plenty fair and is very healthy for them. It teaches them responsibility and accountability.
That being said, here is Payton's "Morning Checklist":
I wish I could be a fly on the wall... or in your brain right now to know what you're thinking.
But trust me... you're kids CAN do this, if they aren't already doing so.
We get Payton out of bed at 6:45 a.m. and he doesn't leave until 7:30 a.m. so in 45 minutes he has plenty of time to do all of this.
Of course this is just one strategy that we are implementing right now to help create harmony in our home.
Wanna know the rest?
Well... you'll have to tune in next time!
Sorry for the cliffhanger ending, but this post is already long enough and it's going to take me some time to right up the next one as well.
I can give you this hint though... it's a chore list. And it's a good one!
I have an awesome online resource for age-appropriate chores for every age. It's really helpful, so make sure you come back for the next installment of this post series.
In the meantime, sit down and create a little "morning checklist" for your kids or yourself and see if it makes your weekdays run a little smoother. I bet you it will!
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