Emotional Roller Coaster

I feel like I've been on a roller coaster this week.

One minute I'm fine, then the next I'm crying. And I'm not exaggerating.

I think between my struggles with Parker this week, starting my period (sorry, if that's TMI, just being honest and certainly didn't want anyone to think my crazy emotions were from being pregnant), and all of the horrific tragedies that are going on in our country right now, my emotional barometer is a little "whacked-out", as Payton would say.

Here's a prime example...

I've been cleaning out my closet the past couple weeks. I did a major clothing overhaul, re-arranged everything on the shelves and literally cleaned (the floors, shelves, etc.) the closet. I felt so good about it and I was in a great mood. Then I came to a bag that was placed way up in the corner of the closet. When I spotted it, I knew exactly what it was.

It was the beautiful portrait that my neighbor had commissioned for me when Rohy died. I haven't been able to display it yet, as the sight of his picture still makes me a little upset.

But I felt like it was time. Time to look at it. Time to take it out. Time to stop being sad and start remembering all of the good times we had with Rohy.

So, I sat down, opened up the bag... and cried like a baby.

Emotionally, I went from feeling really great, to feeling really sad.

But after a few moments of looking at the portrait, I decided to put it up in our bedroom where I won't see it all day, but I will see it every day. Baby steps.

Now, when I look at it, I smile. I think having it out is actually helping in the healing process.

But just typing these words, I feel quite silly for grieving over a dog for so many months. I cannot imagine the pain and anguish that people are going through right now who have lost loved ones, or the ability to walk this week.

It is all so overwhelming.

But if I remind myself of what I tell Payton, that there are good people in this world and there are very bad people. God has allowed "free will" for people since the day of Adam & Eve. Sometimes people will use their free will to perform life-saving surgeries or build life-giving wells in remote areas of the world.

Other people will use their free will to do very bad things. And the injustice that comes as a result, is sometimes unbearable. It's what we do as a result of these "bad things" that can make all the difference.

Staying angry doesn't help the family who lost their 8-year old. Staying sad, or immersing oneself in the horrible images on TV doesn't change the terrible outcomes of the bombings or the plant explosion. Be wary not to get caught up in the media hype. It's a slippery slope.

Instead, I choose to pray.

I don't know all the names of those impacted this week, but I can pray for them as a whole. I can choose to stay positive for my family and help my own 8-year old know how loved he is because really... doesn't all of this just prove how fleeting life is?

I want to hug my kids a little longer. I want to breathe in the sweet smell of my baby's head when he's all clean and snuggly right before bedtime. I want to pray over them and ask God for a hedge of protection in this unpredictable world we live in.

There has to be a balance between staying informed and not making myself crazy. I am still seeking to find this balance, and in the meantime, I will be spending lots of time with my family. Letting them know how much I love them.

I hope you can take a moment this weekend to do the same.

"So then, let us aim for harmony in this world, and seek to build each other up." Romans 14:19

So as not end this post on such a dreary note, here are a few pictures from this week that will hopefully make you smile...

Isn't there something about not eating the raw dough? Oh well, he seemed to enjoy it. :)

Visiting Dada's office. He truly asks to do this every. single. day.

My big boy.

 

Just look at that face...he's so disappointed that his block tower fell down. Awww....

Let's just pretend for a minute that their middle names both start with an "R", okay?

I got nuthin' but love for all of you out there.

Let's spread some love this weekend, shall we?