Emotional Roller Coaster

I feel like I've been on a roller coaster this week.

One minute I'm fine, then the next I'm crying. And I'm not exaggerating.

I think between my struggles with Parker this week, starting my period (sorry, if that's TMI, just being honest and certainly didn't want anyone to think my crazy emotions were from being pregnant), and all of the horrific tragedies that are going on in our country right now, my emotional barometer is a little "whacked-out", as Payton would say.

Here's a prime example...

I've been cleaning out my closet the past couple weeks. I did a major clothing overhaul, re-arranged everything on the shelves and literally cleaned (the floors, shelves, etc.) the closet. I felt so good about it and I was in a great mood. Then I came to a bag that was placed way up in the corner of the closet. When I spotted it, I knew exactly what it was.

It was the beautiful portrait that my neighbor had commissioned for me when Rohy died. I haven't been able to display it yet, as the sight of his picture still makes me a little upset.

But I felt like it was time. Time to look at it. Time to take it out. Time to stop being sad and start remembering all of the good times we had with Rohy.

So, I sat down, opened up the bag... and cried like a baby.

Emotionally, I went from feeling really great, to feeling really sad.

But after a few moments of looking at the portrait, I decided to put it up in our bedroom where I won't see it all day, but I will see it every day. Baby steps.

Now, when I look at it, I smile. I think having it out is actually helping in the healing process.

But just typing these words, I feel quite silly for grieving over a dog for so many months. I cannot imagine the pain and anguish that people are going through right now who have lost loved ones, or the ability to walk this week.

It is all so overwhelming.

But if I remind myself of what I tell Payton, that there are good people in this world and there are very bad people. God has allowed "free will" for people since the day of Adam & Eve. Sometimes people will use their free will to perform life-saving surgeries or build life-giving wells in remote areas of the world.

Other people will use their free will to do very bad things. And the injustice that comes as a result, is sometimes unbearable. It's what we do as a result of these "bad things" that can make all the difference.

Staying angry doesn't help the family who lost their 8-year old. Staying sad, or immersing oneself in the horrible images on TV doesn't change the terrible outcomes of the bombings or the plant explosion. Be wary not to get caught up in the media hype. It's a slippery slope.

Instead, I choose to pray.

I don't know all the names of those impacted this week, but I can pray for them as a whole. I can choose to stay positive for my family and help my own 8-year old know how loved he is because really... doesn't all of this just prove how fleeting life is?

I want to hug my kids a little longer. I want to breathe in the sweet smell of my baby's head when he's all clean and snuggly right before bedtime. I want to pray over them and ask God for a hedge of protection in this unpredictable world we live in.

There has to be a balance between staying informed and not making myself crazy. I am still seeking to find this balance, and in the meantime, I will be spending lots of time with my family. Letting them know how much I love them.

I hope you can take a moment this weekend to do the same.

"So then, let us aim for harmony in this world, and seek to build each other up." Romans 14:19

So as not end this post on such a dreary note, here are a few pictures from this week that will hopefully make you smile...

Isn't there something about not eating the raw dough? Oh well, he seemed to enjoy it. :)

Visiting Dada's office. He truly asks to do this every. single. day.

My big boy.

 

Just look at that face...he's so disappointed that his block tower fell down. Awww....

Let's just pretend for a minute that their middle names both start with an "R", okay?

I got nuthin' but love for all of you out there.

Let's spread some love this weekend, shall we?

Confessions of a Mom with a 2-Year Old

Hello.

My Name is Stacy.

I'm a Mom of a 2-year old.

"Hello Stacy."

........................................................................................

That is what I imagine I would sound like if I were to attend a support group for parents with 2-year olds.

Let me get this out of the way first and foremost: I love my child. I adore him. I waited 6 long years for him and I know he is a truly miracle from God.

But yesterday... I didn't "like" him very much.

We are fully immersed in the "strong-willed-child-terrible-two" phase. Fully and completely immersed. Sometimes to the point I feel I am drowning.

Yesterday was one of those days.

I couldn't get anything done. If I got up to get a drink of water, he would yank open the doors to the fridge (and freezer) and start pulling out anything within his line of sight.

If I went to the bathroom, he would stand three inches in front of my lap saying repeatedly, "Mama, what you do-ding? Mama, what you do-ding? Mama, what you do-ding?"

And God forbid I tried to do anything on my phone. He would immediately start grabbing at my arms screaming, "I PLAY MAMA'S PHONE!"

But the real straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back moments for me, are when he throws (and this kid has one heck of an arm!) a toy/sippy cup/marker/book/carrot/toothbrush and then looks directly at me to see my reaction - which he KNOWS is not going to be good. Then when I say, "Parker, no throwing your [ fill in the blank ]. Please go pick it up." He looks at me with a smile and says, "No."

I've tried reasoning with him. I've tried time out. I've tried using a very stern voice. Nothing. Nothing has worked.

So, when he dumped out the entire container of Lincoln Logs yesterday and then proceeded to furiously spread them all across the wood floors using fast sweeping motions with his hands...

I lost it.

I scooped him up, and firmly put him in time out.

He started screaming.

I wanted to scream too.

After a moment of collecting my thoughts, I said, "Come over here."

Very reluctantly, he walked over to me.

"Parker, you need to clean this up. We don't throw our toys all over the floor."

And he immediately started cleaning them up.

NOT!!!!

I wish that was how the story ended.

Instead we went back and forth: Me telling him to clean up. Him refusing. Me sticking him back in time out. Him screaming. It was a lovely 10-minute tantrum that did eventually end up in him helping me clean up the Lincoln Logs. I may or may not have had to bribe him to do it. But I was desperate people!

Brian came home last night and could immediately tell that I was at my wits end (this was after Parker refused to eat even one bite of dinner and instead kept saying, "I want snack.").

As we were crawling into bed hours later Brian said, "What are you thinking about?"

I said, "Well, I hate to say it, but I'm kinda dreading that Parker is going to be just as bad tomorrow as he was today. I just don't know what to do to make things different."

He said, "Take him swimming, or bring him to my office for a visit. Just get him out more."

Then I read something on Instagram today from another mom with 3 little boys. She said, "My kids are grouchy if we aren't outside at least 10 hours a day."

It got me thinking.

So today, we went to the gym this morning. Then went on a bike ride to the park and played outside until lunchtime. Came home for a quick lunch and then he went immediately to sleep. He's been asleep for over 2 hours.

My sanity is back.

Please help me remember that sometimes, it just takes a little more effort in the parenting department when our kids are going through "phases." Yes, I know this too shall pass and one day I'll look back and long for the days of toddlerhood.

But at least for now, I feel like I've got my sweet 2-year old back. At least for today. :)

When Payton gets home from school we're going to our community pool with our neighbors. A little more outdoor time for these boys.

And tonight, I think I'll be the one crashing happily into bed without feeling like a failed parent. But instead, feeling full of gratefulness that God has entrusted me with these two amazing boys.

P.S. I am still buying this book ASAP. :)

Recipe: Baked Salmon

Popping in quickly today to share a super easy salmon recipe that my entire family loves.

I try to cook healthy, well-balanced meals every weeknight, but sometimes it can be challenging to serve healthy seafood (e.g. not fish sticks) if you're trying to stick to a budget.

Fortunately, salmon does go on sale at least once a month at our local Publix, and sometimes it can be up to $2 off per pound! I prefer to buy fresh salmon rather than frozen because I can choose my filet right from the case, and then have the person behind the counter cut it into smaller portions. Our Publix will even take the skin off if you prefer.

If you buy it on sale, fresh salmon can cost a lot less than frozen. When it's a good deal, I will buy enough to cook it once fresh that week, and then another filet to freeze for later.

And here is one of my "go-to" recipes for this buttery, flaky fish:

4-Ingredient Super Simple Salmon Recipe

Ingredients:

• 3 Tablespoons Soy Sauce
• 3 Tablespoons Olive Oil
• 2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
• 1 teaspoons minced garlic

Directions:

1. Spray baking dish with non-stick cooking spray
2. Put all ingredients in dish and then whisk to combine.

 3. Place salmon filets on top of marinade mixture SKIN SIDE UP, cover, and let sit all day in the fridge.

4. Uncover, and bake SKIN SIDE DOWN at 325 degrees for about 20-30 minutes or until salmon is opaque throughout.

5. Place salmon on plate and drizzle with remaining reduced marinade from the pan.

Serve it with some wild rice and a veggie and just watch your kiddos eat this up!

 I always remove the skin from the kids' salmon filets and then cut them into bite-sized pieces. 

I hope you will try this recipe and let me know how your family enjoyed it.

***This post was written before the tragedy in Boston. My thoughts and prayers are with the families and friends of those who lost their lives, and those who are being treated at area hospitals. Please join me in praying for the innocence that was lost and the pain that it has caused. Senseless tragedy is the hardest to understand. ***

 

Weekending

It was another quiet weekend here and I tried my best to soak up every moment of it, knowing that the impending week would be just as busy as ever.

Friday night, Brian and I made an incredible homemade pizza (wish I had thought to take a picture of it, because it was picture-worthy!) and attempted to watch the movie, Lincoln. I say "attempted to watch" because we both fell asleep a couple hours into it and decided to call it a night and watch the rest the next day.

Unfortunately, we didn't factor in the whole "24-hour rental" thing and thus, never got to watch the end of the movie. I hate that we invested 2 hours into a movie and didn't even get to see the end of it!! Anybody want to tell me how great the ending was?

I suppose it will be on TBS some weekend and I'll have to tape it and fast-forward to where we left off. Bummer.

Anyhow, it was a quiet evening and it definitely set the pace for the rest of the weekend.

Saturday morning, the boys were up early so Brian took them on a bike ride up to Starbucks for breakfast and I got to sleep in! A rare treat that I truly, truly appreciate. (Thank you, honey!)

When they got home, we just lazed around the house playing toys, drinking second and third cups of coffee and snuggling in bed watching The Lion King. (Side note: I haven't watched The Lion King in about 20 years. I cried like a little girl watching that thing! There are so many emotional scenes! Anyone with me on this one, or am I just a sap for Disney movies?)

P.S. I LOVE it when they cuddle. Melt. My. Heart.

After the movie, the boys played together. It was great to see them both interested in something that Parker couldn't destroy (like Payton's Kindle or Legos) and wasn't too "baby-ish" for Payton. It's rare that something can captivate both of their attention spans. Leave it to good ol Lincoln Logs! (I'm starting to see a Lincoln theme in this post.)

Parker ended up going down for a long nap that afternoon so we all had time to do "our own thing" and then re-grouped and headed out to the beach with our neighbors.

I have realized in the past couple weeks how fortunate we are to have such beautiful weather this early in the Spring. Yes, we pay for it later with scorching hot temps for several months in a row, but to be able to bask in the sun and play on the beach all day in early April, is a real blessing.

I also realized this weekend that we are beginning to enter a new - much easier - phase with Parker. He's starting to become more independent. For example, there were only a handful of moments at the beach where he wanted anything to do with me or Brian. He really just wanted to play with the other kids or make sandcastles by himself.

It's a real milestone when they start moving from completely dependent baby phase, to happily play with other kids toddler phase. I'm diggin' it!

Here are a few pics from the beach.

One might think they were all related with the blonde hair and blue eyes!

 

 

Sunday was another lovely quiet day. After church, Payton went to a friend's house, Parker took a long nap and I did this:

It was awesome.

That evening, we went to dinner at a very kid-friendly local restaurant where kids eat free on Sundays (love that). There's also a frozen yogurt place next door, which buys us at least 10-15 more minutes to enjoy our dinner while the boys devour a bowl of healthy yogurt topped with a zillion unhealthy items.

I looked at Brian while they were devouring their yogurt - dripping all down Parker's shirt/arms/chin, etc. - and said, "This makes me really happy." 

Which in turn he said, "Well, then it makes me really happy too."

Sometimes it's just the little things - like being able to finish your glass of wine in peace because the boys are happily eating their dessert - that makes an evening memorable.

Hope you all had a memorable weekend too!

A "Regular" Week

Can I even tell you how happy I have been this week?

Two healthy kids (YAY!), no homework for Payton because of standardized testing (double YAY!), and no extracurricular activities in the evenings. It's been slow, quiet, and wonderful.

Here's a little glimpse at our week thus far...

I did a major closet purge. It felt so good to let go of some items that I had been holding on to for so long, even though I wasn't wearing them. It's weird how we do that. Then once they're gone, you think, "Why did I clog up my closet with them for so many years??"

Of course now that the hanging clothes are looking so much neater and less jammed in, I want to really re-do the closet. I want to replace the light fixure, put up a mirror or some sort of art, paint the gigantic wooden shoe rack that lines the entire back wall... oh so many projects, so little time!

Moving on...

I've received some major love from my boys this week. I am feeling very appreciated and special.

Payton came home with this 4-page writing assignment about why we're the best parents in the world.

It totally made me cry.

Then my little guy pulled a flower off the vine in the back yard and handed to me saying, "Fo you Mommy." It was so darn cute, I grabbed my phone and took a picture.

 

And speaking of that jasmine vine in the backyard...I sniped some flowers from it this morning and put them in a vase on the kitchen counter. Now the whole house smells like Spring!

Parker has been both driving me crazy, and making me laugh hysterically this week. Usually within about 5 minutes of each other. I swear, I feel like I'm bipolar sometimes.

Yesterday, he snuck some M&M's into my bedroom and climbed up on our bed with them. Our completely white bed.

I walked in moments later only to see chocolate and a rainbow of other colors smeared across the duvet. I immediately yelled, "Parker Timothy!" He looked at me and said, "Ohhh maaaan....." in the funniest manner!

I went from fuming mad to laughing out loud in about .2 seconds.

He made all of us giggle the other morning when he got a stool, placed it next to Brian in the bathroom where he was shaving and said, "Me too! Me too!" So Brian covered his little face in shaving cream and I got a wooden cheese spreader from the kitchen and he "shaved" just like Daddy.

So. Darn. Cute.

Payton asked me last night, "Hey mom, if you're not too busy this weekend, can I take you on a date up to Starbucks? Just the two of us?" Melt my heart. He's such a caring kid, I am so incredibly blessed to be his Mama.

Okay, that's it for now. I'm off to finish up my bible study homework that I've fallen behind on (again!). It's weekly "Boy's Night" tonight when I head out to hang with an awesome group of gals from church. (I'm doing a Beth Moore study for those of you who are familiar with her.  SO challenging... yet SO rewarding.)

To-da-loo Y'all!

Yet Another Chicken Recipe

I feel like all I post on here are chicken recipes.

Maybe you guys should be emailing me your best non-chicken recipes.

The hard thing is, Brian has recently started trying to follow a new lifestyle diet called "Eat Right for your Blood Type." And for his blood type, pork and red meat are considered "no no's." So I'm trying to just cook fish, chicken or vegetarian dishes. Not the most difficult thing in the world, but if you have any great fish recipes, please pass them along!

Okay, on to today's recipe. This is Payton's all-time favorite thing that I make. So when he was finally over his stomach bug and ready to eat again, I wanted to make it for him.

It's called "Ritzy Chicken Casserole" because the crust is made with Ritz crackers. It's super easy, and typically goes over very well with kids.

Here are the ingredients:

•  2 to 4 chicken breasts (depending on how large they are)
• 2 sleeves of Ritz crackers
• 1 can Cream of Chicken Condensed Soup
• 1 cup sour cream (regular or low-fat)
• 1/2 cup chicken broth
• 1 stick butter

As with all my chicken casseroles, I simply put the chicken breasts in the Crock Pot first thing in the morning, season them with salt & pepper, add some chicken broth and let them cook on high until they are easily shredded with a fork.

Of course, you could also bake your chicken and then cut it into cubes. But I prefer this recipe with shredded chicken. I've also been known to just buy a rotisserie chicken and shred up the breast meat.

Whatever you choose, once you have your shredded chicken, here's what you do:

1. Spray the bottom of a 2-quart casserole dish with non-stick cooking spray, then crumble one sleeve of Ritz crackers into the bottom.

2. Melt 1/2 the stick of butter and then drizzle it over the crushed Ritz crackers.

3. In a large bowl, shred your chicken breasts

4. Then add your soup mixture, sour cream and chicken broth and mix well.

5. Pour into casserole dish (optional step: season with salt & pepper here).

6. Crumble remaining sleeve of Ritz crackers on top and then melt the other 1/2 stick of butter and drizzle that on top of the crushed crackers.

7. Bake at 375 degrees for 30-40 minutes or until hot & bubbly.

I couldn't even get a picture of the finished product before the boys had gotten into it!

In fact, Payton had 3 helpings on this last night. 

I'd say he's recovered his appetite. :)

This is a rich dish, so I always serve it with tons of green veggies.

Hope you will try it out and let me know how you like it.

Weekending...Phew...

Boy this weekend wiped me out...and not in a good way.

The stomach bug that we thought Payton had conquered not only came back; it came back with a vengeance. Which was so strange to me. I've never seen a child have a stomach virus, get healthy for two days (we're talking eating completely normal, playing, jumping on trampolines kind of healthy) and then get knocked back down again for 3 more days.

Needless to say, I spent a LOT of time doing laundry this weekend. And a lot of time cleaning.

Something about a person vomiting continuously for several days (even if he always made it in the bucket or toilet) makes me want to sanitize every inch of the house.

So I did.

Sadly, by Saturday afternoon, I realized my "Dr. Mom" skills were being outwitted. It was time to seek some real medical attention. So this is where we ended up...

Poor thing was so dehydrated that he needed almost a whole bag of fluids topped with a syringe of Zofran.

Fortunately, we have an excellent Children's After-Hours Urgent Care Center, so we were in and out in only 3 hours. Much better than a hospital ER. Although I'm sure we'll pay a pretty penny for it too. They don't exactly let you pay an ER co-pay for these places.

Can't wait to get that bill.

To make a long story short, Payton came home and slept. And slept. And slept some more.

Notice the 2 brightly colored Band-Aids? Yep, they had to go in both arms in order to get a vein for the IV. Poor thing!

But when he awoke on Sunday... he was a new man. He slowly regained his appetite and ate some toast and mashed potatoes. By Monday morning, he was asking for bacon with his pancakes! Kids recover so quickly. Thank you Lord!

But all was not lost this weekend!

We had originally planned to go to Brian's parents' house to celebrate his Dad's birthday. Obviously, Payton and I didn't make it. But Brian was able to take Parker, which worked out great. 

Parker has been talking non-stop about going to "Gama n Ganpa's" lately. He was so excited to go he didn't put up any fight when Brian drove off without me in the car. And he had an absolute ball!

He was showered with love and attention!

And even got some cuddle time in with Great Grandpa!

How cute is this picture?!?

So even though Payton and I were sad that we couldn't go too, it probably worked out for the best since I spent most of the day cleaning up puke and then watching an IV drip into Payton's arm. Clearly nothing that Parker needed to be a part of!

By the way, Happy Birthday Dad! We all love you so much and hope you had a fun weekend celebrating your special day!

So, let's just say, after the past week or so, I'm ready to go to sleep for about 4 straight days. Or take a vacation. Or go to a spa for the day. Or sit on the beach and veg out by myself. Hmm... these are all sounding very tempting... (hint, hint, Brian). ;)

What's that? It's 8:28 p.m.? Off to bed I go!

And no... I'm not kidding.

Nighty-night!